All Hell Breaks Loose
by MovieBuffStarlet
Summary: The bohemians cause mischief at an upscale restaurant.


_A/N: This is dedicated to Chloe (xRJLupinx) because she is awesome. Happy Birthday, honey!_

"Ok, here we are." Benny smiled as the group neared their destination.

When he was greeted with silence,he turned to study his friends. For the most part,they all wore the same expression…utter shock and surprise. He let out an amused chuckle.

"My God!" Mimi breathed,her brown doe eyes wide. The others could only nod,swallowing hard in agreement.

Maureen,being the first to recover from her initial shock, spoke up. She arched an eyebrow at Benny and gave a little smirk "This place looks like a frickin' palace,Benny!" She cocked her head to the side,reading the name aloud from the heavy glass doors. "'Le Peep?' Not bad at all! I wonder what "Peep" stands for…"

"Are you kidding me?" Mimi whirled around,not catching onto Maureen's sarcasm. "This is more than just 'impressive'! This is…this is…" she gave up on the words she was groping for and, instead turned to her best friend,squealing. "Angel! We're gonna eat like _queens_!" she fought the urge to jump up and down.

The drag queen gave a brilliant grin. "I know! Thank you so much,Benny!"

Benny nodded,appreciating the thanks. He knew for a fact that most of them (except for maybe Joanne) had never been to a restaurant like this in their lives and probably never would've had the chance. This was his way of apologizing for the way he had acted when he was married to Allison. He felt he could not thank his friends enough for letting him back into their circle after she had divorced him.

He noticed Collins staring at the doors,motionless. The lights from within the building reflecting in his eyes.

Angel noticed too. She gave him a light nudge."You okay,honey?"

Feeling his lover's touch and hearing her voice,he snapped out of it. "Huh? Oh yeah. I'm fine,Ang. It's just…wow…" he let out a low whistle. "Remind me to pay you back somehow,man!" He grinned at Benny,who felt pretty damn proud of himself right now.

"You guys,I hate to break up the wonderful bonding moment," Roger cut in. "But it's freezing out and I'm starving so…" He charged forward,tugging open the heavy glass doors and holding one open for everyone,ushering everybody inside.

Once inside however,the bohemians stopped, they stood stock still as statues,stunned by the bright lights and the cleanliness of the place. They could even here soft,elegant violin music playing in the background…it was enough to make you puke.

It was as if they'd been transported into a different world...the glittering world of the rich.

As they looked around in wonder Mimi unconsciously gripped Angel's hand. "I feel like a princess!" She whispered excitedly over to Angel.

Angel smirked back at her,winking. "Me too!"

It had occurred to Angel that she may have looked strange…being a drag queen with a male holding onto one hand while a female was attached to the other. Oh well.

Slowly,they all became painfully aware of staring. Most likely a result of their ragamuffin clothing and stunned expressions.

"Aw…let 'em stare." Maureen whispered to the gang. "We're probably the most interesting people they've seen in their lives…"

A waiter approached the gang with a reluctant,almost spooked look in his eyes. He cleared his throat before speaking. "Do you have a reservation,sir?" he addressed Benny(the most normal looking one).

Benny nodded. "Yes. Coffin,party of 8."

The waiter slowly flipped through the reservation book,praying that he was wrong. "Ah,yes," he said slowly,begrudlingly. "May I take your coat,sir?" he spoke to Collins, referring to the beloved leather coat he wore over his many layers of clothing.

The philosopher smiled good naturedly, expecting him to get the joke "Oh,no thank you. I'll keep this one. It's kinda cold out there…"

The waiter did not smile back "Right this way,please." He said in a weary voice. As the bohemians strutted along behind him him Collins leaned over and whispered in Angel's ear. "Damn! What's he got up his ass?" Prompting the drag queen to giggle and swat him playfully.

"Here is your place." The waiter made a sweeping gesture with his hand at the long,rectangular table. Angel was slightly bummed that it wasn't a booth (she had a thing for booths) but enchanted nonetheless.

"Isn't it fab??" Maureen gushed to her significant other.

Angel (having a mannish moment here) gave a mock gentlemanly bow and a huge grin. He pulled out a chair for Mimi.

"There you go,Miss." He said in an impeccable English accent(before sitting down in his own chair that Collins pulled out for him).

Roger quirked an eyebrow in mock jealously as Mimi sat into her chair.

"Thank you!" Mimi giggled. "You really know how to treat a woman!"

"That's because I am one!" Angel smiled.

Roger piped up "We are in a _French_ restaurant,garscon. Wrong accent."

"That has got to be the worst French accent I've ever heard,Roger." Maureen cracked.

"Oh yeah? Let's see you do better…" Roger retorted.

"_AHEM_!"

They all turned to the waiter.

"Your menus…" he passed out the menus to each of them. "May I get your drinks?" When everyone unanimously ordered a round of champagne or wine along with a soda he rolled his eyes and left hastily.

Mark shifted in his chair nervously. "You ok,Mark?" Roger questioned.

The filmmaker looked up at the group. "Well…don't you think we should try to act a little more…uh...sophisticated? I mean…half of the restaurant is staring at us…"

"That's because we're too sexy for this place!" Maureen laughed. "But seriously…they're just boring,shallow people. No big deal."

"You just love being stared at,honeybear." Joanne gave her girlfriend a knowing smile.

Maureen shrugged. "I know. How the hell do you read these things??" Changing the subject,Maureen picked up a menu and squinted. Not only was written out in tiny,fancy script but it was also in French.

"What the hell?? This is in French, pookie!" she whined, pointing out the obvious. "I can't read French! What about you Collins. Can you? You're smart…"

The professor shook his head,laughing. "No but Ang, here…" he slung his arm around her shoulders,pulling her close.

Angel grinned at him. "Actually "Dumott Schunard" may sound French but I'm afraid I'm only a Spanish speaker. Sorry,honey." She gave the performance artist an apologetic shrug.

Maureen sank back in her chair, pouting. "Maybe I should ask someone to translate…"

Much like a creepy vampire, the waiter popped up out of nowhere (causing Collins to jump) and set the cherished drinks on the table. "Are you ready to order?" took a pen out of his pocket and poised to write on his notepad.

The bohemians stared at one another. Finally Maureen opened her mouth to ask him to translate some menu items but promptly cut herself off when she noticed him staring at Angel rather coldly. He leaned in and hesitantly spoke. "Excuse me,young man?"

Angel smiled up at him politely from her menu,ignoring the fact that he had regarded her as the wrong gender. "Yes,hun?"

"Your…attire. It's disturbing the customers. Can't you change into anything else?"

Angel's smile slowly stared to fade from her face. "Well,no. I didn't bring anything with me…"

"Then could you put a coat on over your…um…outfit?"

Angel stared at him,shocked. The others traded angry looks. "I suppose so.."

"Thanks."

"I'm sorry..."

"So," the waiter continued on,ignoring Angel. "Are you people ready to order?"

"No!" Mimi shot him an icy glare. "Go away!"

The waiter gave the Latina a pissy look but said nothing. He turned on his heel and left.

The 8 friends sat around in silence. Angel regained her composure and sighed. She started sipping her soda while the others shot her sympathetic glances. "You ok,Ang?" Collins rubbed her back.

Angel nodded,trying to mask her hurt. "Yeah. I'm fine,sweetie."

"I can't believe it!" Maureen breathed. "Just who is 'disturbed'? Who??" she craned her neck and let her eyes roam from face to face, challenging them.

"Maureen,honey…keep your voice down…" Joanne warned. Her girlfriend,however,continued to rage.

"How snotty can they be? We're paying customers, dammit! Who are they to tell Angel how she can and cannot dress? It's just so wrong!"

"It's ok,sugar. Really. It happens to me all the time." Angel soothed. Maureen shook her head in disgust and leaned back in her chair,fuming.

"I'm sorry,Angel. I didn't expect them to act like this.We can leave if you want." Benny offered.

"It's ok,hon. It's not your fault. I should've dressed a little more casually for this occasion,anyway. You did a very nice thing for us." Angel reassured him,forcing a cheery note into her tone.

"They're just jealous of your fashion sense,chica!" Mimi smiled at her best friend.

Angel giggled, blushing slightly. "Thank you,Meems!"

The waiter came by once again, putting an appetizer plate full of escargots (snails) onto the middle of their table and, sensing they were still not ready to order, left just as quickly as he came. The friends stared at the them.

"Oh yuck…" Mark paled.

"I dare you to eat one of them!" Maureen smiled wickedly.

"Ya better not let me see that…" Collins joked.

Maureen grinned at her friends before digging into them with her fork,pulling out a large, plump snail.

"Aw,man…" Collins shielded his eyes.

"Bon appetite!" Maureen said before popping it into her mouth,chewing slowly. They watched her in anticipation,waiting for the discustied expression. Instead, to their horror, her eyes bugged out of her head. Both of her hands went to her throat and she began to silently dry heave.

"Maureen?" Mimi asked. The others traded worried expressions. Joanne grasped her girlfriend's arm,concerned "Are you ok,baby?"

Maureen continued to wretch,however she gave a big,stagy wink to the group.

They looked at one another,slowly catching on…

"OH MY GOD! SHE'S CHOKING!!" Roger yelled in an over dramatic fashion. He sprang up from his chair so fast that it was knocked backwards onto the floor with a loud clang. The restaurant went dead silent. Everybody froze,staring at the group.

Mark also jumped up,joining the rocker.His eyes wild."SOMEBODY HELP! SHE'S DYING,DAMMIT!!!" he wailed desperately.

"I got it!" Joanne cried. She pushed her chair back and stood up. Then she yanked the 'choking' Maureen to her feet, got behind her and began to perform the Heimlich maneuver (which really looked like something else,if you catch my drift).

With one last thrust,Maureen spit out the snail and it flew onto the table of a nearby older couple. They recoiled in disgust.

Maureen put a hand to her chest,gasping harshly. "Not only does the food taste like shit…but I almost died!" She began to weep into Joanne's shoulder with abandon.

"I think we should sue." Benny was next to jump on the bandwagon. "And I'll be an eyewitness. We'll probably get a good sum of money to pay for damages…"

Angel slumped into her seat,almost sliding onto the floor. Her face blazing. She looked helplessly around at the table as her friends went mad.

Collins reached over and picked up a snail,studying it closely. "Does this restaurant have anything vegetarian?" He asked no one in particular. When he received no reply he flung it across the room in a rage. He pounded on the table with both fists. "IT'S CAUSE I'M BLACK,AIN'T IT?!" He demanded,glaring at the frightened spectators. "WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT???!!" he bellowed,nearly giving an elderly man close by a heart attack.

"Aw,shut up and eat,Collins." Mimi said nonchalantly,suppressing laughter. She picked up another snail (who knew snails could be so fun?) and chucked it at him,bouncing it off his head.

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!!" Now in full 'gangsta' mode, Collins picked up the platter and heaved it at Mimi, covering her in its slimy contents, causing her to scream.

"OH YES I…" she picked up her cup of soda and dumped it onto his head in retaliation. "…DID!!!! HA!"

Dripping wet now, Collins lost it. He threw his head back in hearty laughter,cackling like a maniac. This triggered the other bohemians into a laugh fest as well while everyone else in the place continued to stare at the chaos in confusion.

"Oh my god…oh my god…" Angel was doubled over,clutching her stomach,tears running down her face she was laughing so hard. "…I love you guys…!"

Collins wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. "We love you too,Ang." Catching her breath,Angel leaned against him for a split second.Then she pulled away, mischief sparkling in her eyes. "My turn!"

She jumped up and yanked Collins to his feet,she pushed him back onto the table and got on top of him. The couple kissed fiercely, their hands roaming everywhere as the six others cheered them on wildly.

The manager ran up to them,his face a deep purple shade with anger. "GET OUT,YOU CRAZY LITTLE BASTARDS!! GET OUT NOW BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!" he screamed at them.

"Yes sir!" Collins said cheerfully. He and Angel climbed off the table, joined hands and brushed past the irate man,Angel flashed him a brilliant smile. The others quickly followed suit,Maureen hissing "With pleasure" as she flounced past him.

When they reached the doors Collins held one open for his friends, when everyone else had exited he turned back to the shell shocked people. "See ya later,bitches!" he waved. Then he quickly dashed out of the place before the manager could come after him.

RENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTREN

"Damn,it's cold!" Collins snuggled up against Angel, his soda-soaked clothes chilling him to the bone. "Thanks a lot,Mimi!" he cast her a mock glare.

"What?" Mimi shrugged, her face breaking out into a self satisfied smirk. "It was in the heat of the moment. Besides,it's no picnic being covered in snails either…" she fished her fingers through her mop of brown curls,making sure that no more snails where snagged in them.

Roger grinned at Collins. "You're just pissed because she beat you!"

"Weren't we brilliant?" Maureen squealed, glowing with pride. "We really need to do that again sometime!"

Joanne groaned. "I don't think I could take another round!" she joked.

Mark shook his head and sighed. "I _really_ wish I had my camera!"

"Yeah. We had a true Hallmark moment,there." Collins snorted.

Benny clapped Collins on the back, "The 'see you later,bitches' thing at the end was a nice touch."

Collins beamed at his friend. "Thank you!"

They walked along in silence for a brief period then Angel spoke up,realizing they hadn't done anything to the snails but throw them around.

"Is anyone else still starving? 'Cause I'm about to collapse."

"Actually,yeah. I am. You guys?" Collins surveyed his pals.

They nodded in agreement. "How about we go to the Life? They actually know how to treat people." Mimi pointed out with a smile.

"Amen!" Collins chimed in.

It wasn't long before the bohemians were dining in the warm,accepting atmosphere of the Life Café.

THE END


End file.
